Not One

Dualism is inherent to our nature. We all assign ourselves different roles for different situations. It’s who we are, it’s how we cope. We over-think interior dialogue with our various selves.

I.

I am a female immigrant from a post-communist country, coming to a developed western culture and struggling with lifelong disability caused by idiopathic scoliosis. I live at the crossroads of transformation in historical, political, cultural, as well as age, gender and beauty standards. 

Dualism and constant comparison is in my bones, floods my bloodstream and is in my DNA, waiting to reproduce. Sometimes I can smell it on the surface of my skin.

II.

I am an artist and designer, in constant dialogue with my own possibilities and limitations, exploring and re-living an alternate present without the corrective procedures that rendered my disability invisible. Invisible to the point where the biggest compliment I can be paid is: Oh! But you don’t look disabled!

Oh!

Thank you...

I become my own stand-in actor, my own body-double. Performing a life where I’m not disabled for those who can’t stand the idea. Partnering up in this comfortable dance of not sharing or showing painful experiences. Singing along for equality terrified me to look outside my own safe, self-destructive shell. 

It feels like I’m walking up and down the stairs of political correctness and artificial perceptions of equality. Looking at the world divided into Olympians and Para-Olympians; Miss Universes and Disabled Miss Universes. Normal and cuckoo. Feeling ashamed of my own double face.

When I’m looking at my own reflection I know that I want to be a different actor on a different stage: where my disability no longer fills a quota; where my “despite everything” achievements will no longer be seen as inspirational. Assuring me that I “don’t look like a disabled person” will not be the biggest compliment I can be paid. Where the words hunchback or cripple will no longer be insults and showing my scars means nothing. Where I’m just fine with it.

To build this world, you need to perform it to make it exist. 

This is the time I’m waiting for. These are the subjects I want to speak about, freely, because when you don’t “look like a disabled person,” you can’t.

My performance Not One asks inherently political questions of society’s relationship with disability and mainstream beauty standards. 

I know I’ve mastered it. 

My work is focused on body issues, based on my own experiences. I’ve tried to learn from many different fields, using various techniques and materials to translate disadvantages with a problem solving attitude; to tell the story of myself - the world as I see it, and how it sees me - through art and design. 

Dualism in personality and performing different roles in different environments is who we are, it’s how we cope. As well as over-thinking our past and future scenarios, all the alternative worlds of different us. We are living in constant self-dialogue yet still trying not to look into ourselves eyes in the reflection. 

"Fantasy on Prokofiev's Violin Sonate Op.80"

film by Kamila Iżykowicz & Bartos Brothers

performance Kamila Iżykowicz

music by Katarzyna Borek & Vojto Monteur from their album TEMPUS FANTASY

produced by MANIFIESTAfilm